For You, Forever Ago

My birthday month! Guess what? Another cold! Which means another ear infection for Ben probably. Gah!!! Trying to be more proactive in sickness prevention. Hand washing, probiotics, vitamins, elderberry syrup, greens, extra Vit C!

I’ve made peace with a half formula half breast milk diet for Ben.

Nursing school starts in 20 days!!

Sorry I never update. Don’t even know where to start. Both boys were sick twice already in April. Ben got his first two ear infections. The nights have been long and sleepless. And of course I got sick too. Trying to get a million things done before school starts in one month. (Freak out)

My poor supply is dwindling so low that I have had to start giving B formula. It has been so emotional for me. I’ve been so stressed out that its been a relief but massive guilt with it. I nursed Gus til he was 15 months and only made it 6 months with Ben. Feeling like a failure.

Ben starts daycare in a month at the JCC. I’m having daily panic attacks because I’ve never had a baby in daycare before and I’ve never had to pump consistently before. I don’t think I even make extra milk at this point. To add to our child care drama, Gus did not get into the Montessori school we were planning on because of a miscommunication. Therefore he’ll be joining Ben at the JCC in the fall. One more month til I start nursing school. Panic panic panic. This is my life lately.

Am I a horrible mom for going back to work and not staying home with Ben? Certain people in my life are making me feel extremely guilty about this. I stayed home for 2 years with Gus and I’m not doing the same with Ben. I’m feeling so conflicted. Some days I’m happy and excited while others I feel anxious and want to cry. :(